Sunday, June 30, 2013

I Big Chopped, But that wasn't the only thing I had to Cut!

 Chop  & Dating & Understanding

When I Big Chopped I was a few months into a new relationship. For years I rocked waist long weaves, huge fluffy wigs,  or braids, while my own hair was crying out for attention.  I spent months  researching, and planning how I would transition, what styles I  would rock, and how to maintain the new style. I was ready to make a change, but scared of the possible results.  One day, I came home, frustrated with life, I sat on the edge of my bed, & took out my weave.  “ I need a change” I kept telling myself, as I unraveled each braid. 30mins later the weave was gone, but I was unsatisfied.

 My hair was a dry, dull mess.  I took a long look in the mirror, examining every strand. I loved how my 2inches  of new growth had so much life,  Kink, & shine.  But the rest of the hair strand looked limp & lifeless. Without another thought chopped  off all my relaxed ends, and hopped in the shower. There I stood, with nothing to hide behind, no weave, no makeup, just me.  Minutes later  my boyfriend came over…….

“Oh Shit” He howled, as his eyes connected with my new do.
“You like it?!” I asked excitedly.
“What you ‘bout to do with IT?” he asked ,  His face had  “concern” written all over it.
“Nothing…” My heart sank. Not the answer I was looking for….
“I can rock some big beautiful  earrings, and headbands---“ he cut me off
“No Weave?” he asked, as he took a seat, breathing deeply. 
“ I have to get used to IT” He said, as his eyes bounced around my hair.
My feelings were hurt. He could of lied, and left my feelings intact. Hindsight is 20/20, today I appreciate his honesty.

We had a group outing planed the following weekend, but he canceled, sighting fatigue. I had a feeling it was my new do.  As weeks, passed, I noticed a change in our dynamic. Once extremely affectionate, he began to become distant. He used to walk with his arm around me, post BC, he would barley hold my hand in public. I began to feel as if my hair wasn't good enough. I noticed his eyes would travel to girls who still rocked their long weaves.  Occasionally he would point out hairstyles on other girls he liked. They were all flat glossy weaves.  2 months after BC I began to develop a complex, between his side comments, and the surprising reaction from my Mother. I felt insecure, and started regretting my decision. I purchased a (hideous)  full lace wig, and hid under that for 2 weeks. My Boyfriends response:
“You look like ‘You’ again!” He was excited, and immediately offered to go out on a date. I smiled and agreed, but I was boiling inside.

   Did he only like me for my unauthentic appearance? Why was he only affectionate, & romantic when I had 18in weave? His true roots were starting to show & I didn't like it one bit.   Needless to say, we broke up, and I was happily single!

Time passed, and I was sitting on the edge on my bed, once again, in dire need of a change.  I had been rocking braids 6moths post BC. I had also started dating someone new.  His hair was locked, and he fully understood the needs of natural hair. He seen the beauty of my coils and complimented even the most shrunken wash & go’s.  His family introduced me to natural hair products.  

My hair (& Love life) has been thriving ever since. He finds my 4C hair sexy & I love that.
My experience with Dating, & Big Chopping, may, or may not be unique.  What was your experience? Was it well received?  Do you attract a different type of person depending on your style? Ladies Weigh in!